What Good Will You Do Today?

Earlier this summer I found myself struggling with a feeling that I was not doing enough, like I’d missed some memo that everyone else got on how to be organized and productive in the face of hectic and uncertain times.

I used to be so good at it all…

It felt especially hard because I used to be so good at organization and productivity. I didn’t let perfectionism stop me, I just did what needed to be done and then moved on to the next thing. I thrived in the order and structure that my work and home life provided. And then I had a year that jumbled a lot of my thinking. I had my first child, had friends and family with devastating changes of their own, and began questioning the path I was on. I eventually decided to make some big changes that included leaving my job and moving right before having my second child. And shortly after all those changes, the self doubt kicked into high gear. What would this new path look like? Had I made a terrible mistake? Who would I be outside of the confines of the life that I had imagined up until that point?

I had expected to spend 2020 with time to regroup and build

Fast forward through five years, another job change, my 40th birthday (all a post for another day!) and we arrived late this winter at a global pandemic. I had expected to spend 2020 with time to regroup and build a new business, but instead became a homeschool teacher and survivalist. Not exactly how any of us had expected to spend 2020...

As I worked to unpack my feelings of inadequacy this summer, I realized that I'm well versed in and conditioned to think in terms of accomplishments reporting from past jobs. And it dawned on me that I'd gotten really sucked in to how others define success and productivity. That feeling of being measured against others’ expectations had been creeping in over the past few years and got particularly bad over the spring and summer. In trying to move to independent work and more community involvement those old measures of "success" still unknowingly weighed heavily on me.

I decided to step back and write down what I've been working on

And in that scattered feeling of inadequacy this summer, I wondered how I felt so exhausted and yet also felt I had no outputs to show for all my efforts. So I decided to step back and actually write down what I've been working on in one place, listing the family, community, and personal accomplishments right alongside the professional ones. I did a rough cut listing from memory of the year to date, imagining that I was gathering information for a mid year review for work.

I noticed three things when I did that: 1) I had done way more than I thought in each of the professional, community, and family bins, 2) many items are greatly appreciated by others but not "countable" in the professional settings I try to operate in, 3) all the initial items in the personal column were actually for someone else. It was an immediate sense of relief looking at the list as it seemed to explain why I felt so tired and scattered, but also gave me pause to think about who I'm letting define what success means for me. While I certainly understand the bounds within which I need to operate to earn a living, it was also a good reminder that just because my accomplishments don't meet someone else's bar, it doesn't mean they're not still important for the greater good.

Measure what you can, take seriously what you can't, and manage both together

And it brought to mind a quote I’d come across in Bedtime Stories for Managers by Henry Mintzberg: “Measure what you can, take seriously what you can't, and manage both together.” And I realized that it applies to me personally too. Some of what I do is measurable, some has an intangible quality or some aspect where I won’t know the impact for years, and in some cases there are things I do where I may never know the impact. So why did I feel like only the measurable stuff counted as success?

What good will I do today? What good did I do today?

So my task ahead is to try to better blend the pieces that are measurable and the pieces that aren’t. What gets me paid and what keeps me sane. What the world asks for and what I think it needs. To convert that into a daily habit, I knew I had to come up with a simple reminder. I read somewhere that Ben Franklin ended each day asking himself “What good did I do today?” So here goes my new plan to define and measure success on my own terms. I open my days asking “What good will I do today?” and close them with his words: “What good did I do today?” It might not be measurable, but I’ll still know I made a difference.

P.S. Many thanks to Erin, Melanie, and Tressa for the discussions that helped nudge this thinking forward.