Born on September 11th

I wrote this last year on September 11th and realized the sentiments still hold so true.

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Today is a weird day. Throughout my childhood, September 11th was my mom's birthday. Whether we remembered on our own or were nudged by my dad, we knew the day. And then on a beautiful crisp fall morning in 2001 that all changed. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I can tell you where I was, who I was with, who told us to turn on the TV, what it felt like to sit in class.

That day in 2001 was a flip in what 9/11 meant. It started to feel weird to celebrate on a day that rocked our country to its core. We still celebrated my mom's day, but smaller and with a tinge of sadness. Going forward 9/11 was about what our country went through but balanced with this small space to wish her happy birthday and see the joy of such a milestone.

And then I recall one morning in the mid 2010's walking to the bus to head to work realizing that I'd woken up that day thinking "today is mom's birthday" not "today is the day the world shifted." For the first time in years my first thought hadn't been to that perfect Tuesday morning in 2001, it had been about my mom.

Last year was the first September 11th without her and probably the first one that I really didn't think at all about what the date means to our country. I thought about what it means to me. What the world was given on this day, and what was taken away.

And this year it is a weird mix. Of joy at remembering mom, of sadness for all those we lost in 2001, of sadness that I don't still have this speck of happiness to outweigh the collective sadness on this date.

I wonder sometimes about all the people who were celebrating their birthday that day in 2001. About all the babies born on September 11, 2001. And of all those born in the ensuing years on September 11th. I imagine it's a strange day to have a birthday.

And while the country marks it as a day to celebrate and grieve our collective identity as a nation, I also want to mark it as a day to celebrate and grieve individuals. So if your birthday is today, I see you - Happy Birthday. If you lost someone that day, I see you. If you lost who you were that day, I see you.

May we see the joy and the sadness wrapped up together in this one date.